go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
