This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
