dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We are all done wearing pants today
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
