ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
