john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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