i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
