I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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