Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
