Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
