I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize