I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
