We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She told me I should be a condom model.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
