apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
