How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
