well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
