My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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