The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
