Will you blow on my dice?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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