Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
