I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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