like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize