Tell her she can't have a vagina
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
