i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
