My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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