WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
