What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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