My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
