I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
