A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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