I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize