I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
