Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
