I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
