You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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