Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
