You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize