My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
