She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
