we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
