Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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