history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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