If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
