32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
