I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
