But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
