Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
