Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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