Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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