Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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