my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
