I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
that is very illegal...i love you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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