Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
