I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Life is so much better after having sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
