how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
