he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize