I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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