Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
