so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
