you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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