thus making me awesome and them whores
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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