He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
