i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
