I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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