Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
