i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
